¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My hobby

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-08-28 729

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class. Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned. So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week. But now, I go to there only 1 time a week. However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted. It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being. I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever. Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay. Thank you. See you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine, 

Great job on your homework! To help you write your essay, start by clearly introducing the main idea. For example, you could begin with a sentence about how exercise benefits your health and well-being. Next, organize your thoughts into clear sections. You might talk about your routine before your injury, how things have changed, and what you hope for the future. Use specific examples, like how often you used to exercise and how your mindset has improved from regular workouts. Finally, wrap up by summarizing why exercise is important to you and what you¡¯ve learned from this experience. Remember to connect your ideas logically and share your personal reflections. Keep practicing, and your writing will continue to improve! 

See you next time! 

~Teacher Cathy 

 

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class.  

>>After finishing my work for the day, I sometimes go to yoga classes or pilates classes. 

Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned.  

>>Because when I exercise my body, I feel healthy and think that a good spirit is inserted into my mind, so my mindset is cleared. 

So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week.  

>>So before I hurt my foot, I exercised 2-3 times a week. 

But now, I go to there only 1 time a week.  

>>But now, I go there only once a week. 

However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted.  

>>However, I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period and then exercise as I did before I was injured. 

It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being.  

>>It is important that exercising is a part of my life to move actively and live more well-being. 

I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever.  

>>I didn't know this simple thing when I was healthy, but now I know that health is more important than anything else. 

Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay.  

>>Honestly, I'm very weak at expressing my thoughts, so please let me know how to write this essay. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140175 What are the best and worst things about October for you? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 589
140174 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1
140173 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1
140172 Which athletic sport is worst for children. Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 664
140171 Do you always do what you want? Why or why not? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 835
140170 When shopping, do you often look for cheaper alternatives? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 816
140169 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1
140168 What is the importance of meeting the deadline? ±è*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 806
140167 cell phone ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1
140166 For perfect writing ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 685
140165 30sep2024 ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 628
140164 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 489
140163 If you had an extra hour each day, what hobby would you spend it... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 486
140162 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 0
140161 Does music have the power to change your mood? How does music... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 493
140160 Is it more important to be liked or respected? Why? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 632
140159 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 1
140158 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 426
140157 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 0
140156 Sep 27th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-30 764

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04