¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My hobby

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-08-28 290

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class. Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned. So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week. But now, I go to there only 1 time a week. However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted. It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being. I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever. Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay. Thank you. See you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine, 

Great job on your homework! To help you write your essay, start by clearly introducing the main idea. For example, you could begin with a sentence about how exercise benefits your health and well-being. Next, organize your thoughts into clear sections. You might talk about your routine before your injury, how things have changed, and what you hope for the future. Use specific examples, like how often you used to exercise and how your mindset has improved from regular workouts. Finally, wrap up by summarizing why exercise is important to you and what you¡¯ve learned from this experience. Remember to connect your ideas logically and share your personal reflections. Keep practicing, and your writing will continue to improve! 

See you next time! 

~Teacher Cathy 

 

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class.  

>>After finishing my work for the day, I sometimes go to yoga classes or pilates classes. 

Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned.  

>>Because when I exercise my body, I feel healthy and think that a good spirit is inserted into my mind, so my mindset is cleared. 

So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week.  

>>So before I hurt my foot, I exercised 2-3 times a week. 

But now, I go to there only 1 time a week.  

>>But now, I go there only once a week. 

However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted.  

>>However, I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period and then exercise as I did before I was injured. 

It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being.  

>>It is important that exercising is a part of my life to move actively and live more well-being. 

I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever.  

>>I didn't know this simple thing when I was healthy, but now I know that health is more important than anything else. 

Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay.  

>>Honestly, I'm very weak at expressing my thoughts, so please let me know how to write this essay. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135895 WRITING TASK: How do you easily relieve stress? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135894 Who is a poor person who became rich and famous in your country... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135893 What drink do you often have but best avoided? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135892 When a child claims about behavioral disease, should he/she be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 3
135891 Is it better to be ¡°rich and famous¡± or to be ¡°rich and... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135890 what are public toilets like in your country ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 561
135889 How do you usually plan your trips? Are you more of a... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 313
135888 What activities do you and your mom enjoy doing together? ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135887 Advising in English ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 513
135886 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 402
135885 What¡¯s in your hand? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 183
135884 What¡¯s the best piece of advice you can give someone who is... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0
135883 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135882 House ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135881 Homework Á¤*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 296
135880 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 423
135879 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 477
135878 Homework ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 418
135877 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 390
135876 What do you usually do with your friends? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 380

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04