¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My hobby

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-08-28 1409

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class. Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned. So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week. But now, I go to there only 1 time a week. However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted. It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being. I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever. Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay. Thank you. See you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine, 

Great job on your homework! To help you write your essay, start by clearly introducing the main idea. For example, you could begin with a sentence about how exercise benefits your health and well-being. Next, organize your thoughts into clear sections. You might talk about your routine before your injury, how things have changed, and what you hope for the future. Use specific examples, like how often you used to exercise and how your mindset has improved from regular workouts. Finally, wrap up by summarizing why exercise is important to you and what you¡¯ve learned from this experience. Remember to connect your ideas logically and share your personal reflections. Keep practicing, and your writing will continue to improve! 

See you next time! 

~Teacher Cathy 

 

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class.  

>>After finishing my work for the day, I sometimes go to yoga classes or pilates classes. 

Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned.  

>>Because when I exercise my body, I feel healthy and think that a good spirit is inserted into my mind, so my mindset is cleared. 

So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week.  

>>So before I hurt my foot, I exercised 2-3 times a week. 

But now, I go to there only 1 time a week.  

>>But now, I go there only once a week. 

However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted.  

>>However, I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period and then exercise as I did before I was injured. 

It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being.  

>>It is important that exercising is a part of my life to move actively and live more well-being. 

I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever.  

>>I didn't know this simple thing when I was healthy, but now I know that health is more important than anything else. 

Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay.  

>>Honestly, I'm very weak at expressing my thoughts, so please let me know how to write this essay. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139960 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1
139959 The negative side of \"Are humans too dependent on computers?\" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1730
139958 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 3
139957 Which is better, a big family or a small family? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1491
139956 What do you want to do this coming weekend? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 2216
139955 This meaning to beauty is in the eye of the beholder Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1614
139954 What are the benefits and drawbacks of always making an effort... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1473
139953 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1612
139952 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1551
139951 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 3
139950 Tell me about your holiday plans. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1
139949 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 2
139948 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 0
139947 What do you think of PowerPoint? Are you good at using it? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1568
139946 The most memorable thing ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1909
139945 If you were President of Korea, what would you do to improve... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 3
139944 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1825
139943 homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1
139942 Is it okay not to be honest? µµ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 2126
139941 How important are weekends in maintaining a healthy work-life... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1697

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04