¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My hobby

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-08-28 1513

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class. Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned. So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week. But now, I go to there only 1 time a week. However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted. It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being. I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever. Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay. Thank you. See you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine, 

Great job on your homework! To help you write your essay, start by clearly introducing the main idea. For example, you could begin with a sentence about how exercise benefits your health and well-being. Next, organize your thoughts into clear sections. You might talk about your routine before your injury, how things have changed, and what you hope for the future. Use specific examples, like how often you used to exercise and how your mindset has improved from regular workouts. Finally, wrap up by summarizing why exercise is important to you and what you¡¯ve learned from this experience. Remember to connect your ideas logically and share your personal reflections. Keep practicing, and your writing will continue to improve! 

See you next time! 

~Teacher Cathy 

 

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class.  

>>After finishing my work for the day, I sometimes go to yoga classes or pilates classes. 

Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned.  

>>Because when I exercise my body, I feel healthy and think that a good spirit is inserted into my mind, so my mindset is cleared. 

So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week.  

>>So before I hurt my foot, I exercised 2-3 times a week. 

But now, I go to there only 1 time a week.  

>>But now, I go there only once a week. 

However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted.  

>>However, I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period and then exercise as I did before I was injured. 

It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being.  

>>It is important that exercising is a part of my life to move actively and live more well-being. 

I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever.  

>>I didn't know this simple thing when I was healthy, but now I know that health is more important than anything else. 

Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay.  

>>Honestly, I'm very weak at expressing my thoughts, so please let me know how to write this essay. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140365 Do you like to help others? How do you feel when you help... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2
140364 second homework ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1450
140363 Which is always the best part of your day? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1579
140362 What outdoor activities do you like to do during autumn? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1604
140361 Do you have any favorite healthy snacks or meals that fuel your... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1581
140360 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1903
140359 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2
140358 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2
140357 Job compensation vs Job satisfaction ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1714
140356 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1439
140355 Dear Gemma Àü*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1441
140354 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1784
140353 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1873
140352 Which is always the best part of your day? ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1507
140351 09oct2024-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1670
140350 In your opinion, what is the best and worst Korean dish for you?... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1619
140349 Do you like to talk to the local people when you travel? Why or... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1696
140348 What makes an actor/actress talented for you? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 0
140347 homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 1310
140346 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04