¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My hobby

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-08-28 823

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class. Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned. So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week. But now, I go to there only 1 time a week. However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted. It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being. I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever. Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay. Thank you. See you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine, 

Great job on your homework! To help you write your essay, start by clearly introducing the main idea. For example, you could begin with a sentence about how exercise benefits your health and well-being. Next, organize your thoughts into clear sections. You might talk about your routine before your injury, how things have changed, and what you hope for the future. Use specific examples, like how often you used to exercise and how your mindset has improved from regular workouts. Finally, wrap up by summarizing why exercise is important to you and what you¡¯ve learned from this experience. Remember to connect your ideas logically and share your personal reflections. Keep practicing, and your writing will continue to improve! 

See you next time! 

~Teacher Cathy 

 

After finishing my daywork, I sometimes go to yoga class or pliates class.  

>>After finishing my work for the day, I sometimes go to yoga classes or pilates classes. 

Because when exercise my body, I feel healty and think that good spirit inserted in my mind, so my mindset is cleaned.  

>>Because when I exercise my body, I feel healthy and think that a good spirit is inserted into my mind, so my mindset is cleared. 

So Before I hurted my foot, I exercised 2-3times a week.  

>>So before I hurt my foot, I exercised 2-3 times a week. 

But now, I go to there only 1 time a week.  

>>But now, I go there only once a week. 

However I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period, and then I execised as before hurted.  

>>However, I hope that gradually I overcome this hard period and then exercise as I did before I was injured. 

It is important that execising in my life to move actively and live more well being.  

>>It is important that exercising is a part of my life to move actively and live more well-being. 

I didn't know the simple thing when I am healty, but now I know the healthy is more important than whatever.  

>>I didn't know this simple thing when I was healthy, but now I know that health is more important than anything else. 

Honestly, I'm very weak to express my thought, so please let me know how to write these essay.  

>>Honestly, I'm very weak at expressing my thoughts, so please let me know how to write this essay. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138243 Can horror stories also have themes or messages beyond just... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 818
138242 1.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 0
138241 2.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 0
138240 the atmosphere of a coffee shop ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 809
138239 The way to relieve my stress ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 756
138238 Page.3 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 2
138237 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138236 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138235 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 799
138234 The illusion of graduation ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 687
138233 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 4
138232 washing one\'s face ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 826
138231 Homework À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 3
138230 If you could create a new toy, what would it be and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 794
138229 What is the best thing about the month of July? Write at least... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 781
138228 2024.07.01 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 627
138227 What is your favorite sandwich? What kinds of bread from other... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 794
138226 Do you usually try free samples at grocery stores? Why or why... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 959
138225 Q) Can working out make people happy? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138224 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04