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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

A Recent Experience of Apology

작성자: 김*민
2024-08-26 227

회원님의 영작문

I told you my last apology at the class. I want to tell you full story.

One day, my team members discussed how to work efficiently.
One of my colleague insisted that we need to reduce the process of work cooperating with other departments.
But others insisted that cooperation with other departments is too hard, because not all team members are cooperative with our team.
Each other's voices increased at that time, and I couldn't concentrate on my task.

So I said that "Why did you make a loud voice? I think we can work in our own way!", with temperamental voice.
Then our office became silent at that moment.

After calming myself down, I started to feel ashamed to speak temperamentally in the office.
And then I wanted to apologize to my colleague who would have felt bad in that situation.
So I apologized for hurting her feelings, and fortunately, my colleague accepted my apology.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there, Min!

Thank you for elaborating the story about why you apologized in your office. I believe that you have nothing to be sorry or apologize about as you were in the right thinking at the time. However, you are correct to apologize since you may have hurt a colleagues ego or feelings by shutting down her sentiments.

Sometimes, the loudest point is the calmest voice. There are so many people screaming for their points of view but people do not want to listen to them. Since we have all been civilized by education and culture, we know that there is no problem better solved by a democratic and an orderly way of dialogue especially in the professional world. I admire your calmness and leadership that moment.

Congratulations to a very clear and organized composition! As you can see, there were so many correct sentences. Continue writing to express your ideas using precise adjectives and verbs. Excellent composition!

See you in class.

-T. Donna~
 
I told you my last apology at the class. I want to tell you full story.
>> I told you my last apology in class. I want to tell you the full story.

One day, my team members discussed how to work efficiently.
>> Correct!

One of my colleague insisted that we need to reduce the process of work cooperating with other departments.
>> Correct!

But others insisted that cooperation with other departments is too hard, because not all team members are cooperative with our team.
>> Correct!

Each other's voices increased at that time, and I couldn't concentrate on my task.
>> Correct!
Or: Each other's voices were loud at that time, and I couldn't concentrate on my task.

So I said that "Why did you make a loud voice? I think we can work in our own way!", with temperamental voice.
>> So I said, "Why did you make your voice loud? I think we can work in our own way," with a temperamental voice.

Then our office became silent at that moment.
>> Correct!

After calming myself down, I started to feel ashamed to speak temperamentally in the office.
>> Correct!

And then I wanted to apologize to my colleague who would have felt bad in that situation.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

So I apologized for hurting her feelings, and fortunately, my colleague accepted my apology.
>> Correct!
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137276 Why do you think that money is such a sensitivve topic? 이*연 완료 2024-05-20 0
137275 HW 김*현 완료 2024-05-20 1
137274 Tell me your opinion about the latest news you\'ve heard in your... 권*지 완료 2024-05-20 2
137273 Tell me a little about Seoul When is the best time to visit? 권*지 완료 2024-05-20 2
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137271 How do global cuisines influence breakfast choices? 박*호 완료 2024-05-20 242
137270 Why is it illegal to download movies and music from the Internet? 김*욱 완료 2024-05-20 189
137269 What are the top three things you plan to do first when you... 박*연 완료 2024-05-20 227
137268 Are there any activities that you used to do but don’t do... 김*환 완료 2024-05-19 219
137267 Why do you think many Koreans hate your country\'s president? 차*혁 완료 2024-05-19 149
137266 Make sentences using the words below: 차*진 완료 2024-05-19 225
137265 Can you tell me about a time you overcame a challenge? 황*은 완료 2024-05-19 136
137264 Homework 이*범 완료 2024-05-19 133
137263 What is your favorite animal and why? 윤*원 완료 2024-05-19 0
137262 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-19 1
137261 popular 민*정 완료 2024-05-19 1

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