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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think being outgoing is important for career success? Why or why not?

작성자: 박*호
2024-08-26 643

회원님의 영작문

These days, in order to succeed in Korea, extroverts have a huge advantage.
Extroverts are generally good at socializing with people and leading various groups.
To explain using the company I work for as an example, first of all, introverted people cannot join my company.
Applicants must give several presentations during job interviews, so extroverts have an absolute advantage.
When working at a company, office workers must meet with people from various departments and have numerous conversations to gather ideas and resolve differences. In addition, office workers must frequently meet with employees from various companies outside the company for work purposes. Additionally, office workers must meet various types of customers and promote their company's products.
So, I think that extroverts are more likely to succeed in various fields than introverts.
When new employees join my company, I encourage them to develop their presentation skills and interact with diverse groups of people.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hey there, Sun! 

People with high extroversion tend to relate well to others, and are often well-liked in their teams and offices. They form quick and easy friendships, and their outgoing nature leads to effective group-work.

- Kristine ^^ 

These days, in order to succeed in Korea, extroverts have a huge advantage.
>> These days, extroverts have a big advantage if they want to succeed in Korea.
Extroverts are generally good at socializing with people and leading various groups.
>> In general, extroverts are excellent in leading diverse groups and interacting with others.
To explain using the company I work for as an example, first of all, introverted people cannot join my company.
>> As an example from the company I work for, let me say that shy people can't join our team.
Applicants must give several presentations during job interviews, so extroverts have an absolute advantage.
>> During job interviews, applicants have to give an array of presentations. This is where extroverts really shine.
When working at a company, office workers must meet with people from various departments and have numerous conversations to gather ideas and resolve differences. 
>> Office workers are required by their manager to meet with people from different departments and engage in many conversations in order to exchange ideas and settle conflicts.
In addition, office workers must frequently meet with employees from various companies outside the company for work purposes. 
>> Office workers also have to meet with employees of different companies on a regular basis for work-related reasons.
Additionally, office workers must meet various types of customers and promote their company's products.
>> Additionally, office workers have to interact with different kinds of consumers and advertise products of the company.
So, I think that extroverts are more likely to succeed in various fields than introverts.
>> Therefore, I believe that extroverts have a higher chance of success than introverts in a variety of disciplines.
When new employees join my company, I encourage them to develop their presentation skills and interact with diverse groups of people.
>> I advise newly hired employees to engage with a range of groups and hone their presentation abilities.
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