¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Have you watched any sports live at a sports ground or stadium? How was the experience? Was it bette

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-08-25 732

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

II've been to the field, but I haven't been to the groud. I think Playing in the playground was more fun than TV.
I go to ground because I was able can see soccer players.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your corrected essay for you, Yale. Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided. Good evening! 


Cheers,
Jean~~


                   

                         Have you watched any sports live at a sports ground or stadium? How was the experience? Was it better than watching on TV? If not, would you want to go and watch there? Why?



I've been to the field, but I haven't been to the ground. 
>> OR: I've watched a game at a sports field, but not at a stadium. 

I think Playing in the playground was more fun than TV.
>> I think watching at a sports stadium was more fun than on TV.

I go to ground because I was able can see soccer players.
>> It's more fun because I can see the soccer players in person. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139419 Would you like to live in your hometown forever? Why or why not? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 966
139418 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139417 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139416 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 790
139415 Essay: The value of difficult experience do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 856
139414 Have you ever done something silly that you wish you had not... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 806
139413 How do you typically spend your weekends, and what do you... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 893
139412 Is anger ever a bad thing? If so, when? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 840
139411 What is your favorite water activity? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 825
139410 The next cutting edge technology after the smartphone ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 827
139409 Agust 21th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 829
139408 The MP3 players is the best device even with its single function ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 846
139407 My train ticket booking preparing Chuseok ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 545
139406 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 726
139405 I\'m addicted to my smartphone! ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 935
139404 Leaders ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 666
139403 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139402 What affects your decision-making? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 674
139401 Favorite cuisines ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 765
139400 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04