¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My train ticket booking preparing Chuseok

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-23 160

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Min!

Lucky you! Congratulations for booking a ticket to your way to Europe! A seat was meant for you and due to your patience and good decisions, you were able to reserve one in less than two hours. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see. Today, this materialized. I am so happy for you!

Below, your sentences are very well put all together. Your ideas flow smoothly as well as the grammar. Take note of the use of 'a' as a non-specific description to a noun. In addition, there are conjunctions best suitable to connect ideas in your sentences.

You did great on your composition!

See you.

-T. Donna~

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
>> First, I succeeded in booking a train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.

After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
>> After the class, I accessed the web site to book a ticket.

But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
>> But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected before me!

I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
>> About an hour and 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.

Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
>> Correct!

So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138787 2024.07.26 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 1
138786 2024.07.25 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 218
138785 The most difficult vice to get rid of ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 5
138784 Which vice do you think would be the most difficult to get rid... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 192
138783 What¡¯s a new recreational activity you¡¯d like to try, and why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 183
138782 How do you get over not getting something that you desire? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 1
138781 Describe something you own which is very important to you ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 6
138780 depress ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 189
138779 What was your most memorable experience while traveling? ·ù*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 161
138778 Homwork ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 0
138777 Age gap beneficial and hindrance ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 134
138776 Do you ever get confused with new technology? Give an example. Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 166
138775 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138774 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138773 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 134
138772 How do you make sure that you don\'t get sick? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 149
138771 Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 176
138770 What things do you first notice about someone\'s appearance? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 166
138769 Do you ever get confused with new technology? Give an example. Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 143
138768 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 152

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04