¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My train ticket booking preparing Chuseok

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-23 140

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Min!

Lucky you! Congratulations for booking a ticket to your way to Europe! A seat was meant for you and due to your patience and good decisions, you were able to reserve one in less than two hours. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see. Today, this materialized. I am so happy for you!

Below, your sentences are very well put all together. Your ideas flow smoothly as well as the grammar. Take note of the use of 'a' as a non-specific description to a noun. In addition, there are conjunctions best suitable to connect ideas in your sentences.

You did great on your composition!

See you.

-T. Donna~

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
>> First, I succeeded in booking a train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.

After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
>> After the class, I accessed the web site to book a ticket.

But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
>> But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected before me!

I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
>> About an hour and 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.

Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
>> Correct!

So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139006 Jeju ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 194
139005 Things that I would never do to my friend. ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 134
139004 What do Korean students usually do during their summer school... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 141
139003 8/7 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 5
139002 Describe your kindergarten graduation what did you wear and how... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 161
139001 What do you think is the most fun thing to do in the world?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 134
139000 What\'s the most fun water activity for you? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 117
138999 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 0
138998 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 0
138997 [HW] What role do your interests play in your social... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 145
138996 Is obesity a disease? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 136
138995 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 136
138994 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 4
138993 Would you like to be a model? What do you think a model¡¯s life... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 116
138992 Is anger ever a bad thing? If so, when? Why? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 3
138991 Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job? Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 140
138990 Writing task: Are tattoos common and acceptable in Korea? Why or... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 150
138989 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 131
138988 Publishing names ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 133
138987 Cutting down on caffeine. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04