¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My train ticket booking preparing Chuseok

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-23 214

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Min!

Lucky you! Congratulations for booking a ticket to your way to Europe! A seat was meant for you and due to your patience and good decisions, you were able to reserve one in less than two hours. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see. Today, this materialized. I am so happy for you!

Below, your sentences are very well put all together. Your ideas flow smoothly as well as the grammar. Take note of the use of 'a' as a non-specific description to a noun. In addition, there are conjunctions best suitable to connect ideas in your sentences.

You did great on your composition!

See you.

-T. Donna~

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
>> First, I succeeded in booking a train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.

After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
>> After the class, I accessed the web site to book a ticket.

But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
>> But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected before me!

I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
>> About an hour and 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.

Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
>> Correct!

So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137847 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 416
137846 What is your favorite Christmas song? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2
137845 Why is making eye contact important? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 541
137844 What are you passionate about? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 294
137843 Is it hard to apologize? How do you apologize to someone? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 318
137842 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 394
137841 Many governments think that economic progress is their most... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 240
137840 When do you feel most energized? What do you like to do with... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 306
137839 If animals could speak, what do you think they would say to... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 296
137838 HOMEWORK FOR 06.14.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the qualities of... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 3
137837 Are beauty standards like in your home country different to the... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 340
137836 Procrastinating something ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 274
137835 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 258
137834 Have you ever tried complaining at a restaurant? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 364
137833 Page.56 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 0
137832 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 3
137831 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137830 What are the marriage customs in your country? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 240
137829 What was the most thrilling thing you\'ve ever done? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 329
137828 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04