¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My train ticket booking preparing Chuseok

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-23 570

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Min!

Lucky you! Congratulations for booking a ticket to your way to Europe! A seat was meant for you and due to your patience and good decisions, you were able to reserve one in less than two hours. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see. Today, this materialized. I am so happy for you!

Below, your sentences are very well put all together. Your ideas flow smoothly as well as the grammar. Take note of the use of 'a' as a non-specific description to a noun. In addition, there are conjunctions best suitable to connect ideas in your sentences.

You did great on your composition!

See you.

-T. Donna~

First, I succeeded in booking train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.
>> First, I succeeded in booking a train ticket to go to Seoul on September 13.

After the class, I accessed the web site to book ticket.
>> After the class, I accessed the web site to book a ticket.

But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected in front of me!
>> But there are more than 13,000 people who were already connected before me!

I decided to just wait until my turn came back, because I had to start again from the beginning when I pushed the back buttons!
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

About an 1 hour 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.
>> About an hour and 30 minutes after, I got the chance to book tickets.

Fortunately, there are a few seats when I want to take a train!
>> Correct!

So I could book my train ticket easily. I was lucky!
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139193 Who are the people you always check on? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-15 1022
139192 Do the members of your family always fight over the remote... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-15 1
139191 2024.08.13 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 775
139190 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 0
139189 Famous novels ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 977
139188 Have you ever worked in a place where you felt unhappy or... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 962
139187 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 734
139186 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 818
139185 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 1
139184 What is the good management? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 820
139183 educational background ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 793
139182 Do you often go on overnight trips? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 801
139181 Paris Olympic: Environmental Friendly or Wealthy Friendly ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 866
139180 Can you share a simple, healthy recipe you like to make? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 811
139179 Where is your hometown? What are some popular places to visit or... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 864
139178 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 731
139177 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 1
139176 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 1
139175 Confidence ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 874
139174 What do you think is the most serious problem in the world? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-14 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04