¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I\'m addicted to my smartphone!

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-23 599

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Like this title, I'm addicted to my smartphone.
While I stay at home on weekend, I just spend a time choosing Youtube videos that I want to watch more than 1 hours.
It would have been more efficient to watch a drama at that time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

If there is a weekly report of your total screen time, you can really see how much time you devote in intentionally and unintentionally use or view your phone. I guess, with all the Apps, it is not difficult to find out how many hours we use our smartphone. Thus, we can either do something about it or add more time using it.

Anyway, we have the power to choose the things we want to do with our smartphone.

You did well on this homework answer.

See you on your next composition!

-T. Donna~

Like this title, I'm addicted to my smartphone.
>> Correct!

While I stay at home on weekend, I just spend a time choosing Youtube videos that I want to watch more than 1 hours.
>> While I stay at home on weekend, I just spend time choosing YouTube videos that I want to watch for more than 1 hour.

It would have been more efficient to watch a drama at that time.
>> It would have been more efficient to watch a drama (at the/ that) time.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131326 HomeWork °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 426
131325 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 1
131324 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 1
131323 homework 09.26 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 408
131322 What\'s your thought on a small city or small province wanting... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 1
131321 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 359
131320 To release my stress ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 260
131319 Which friend makes you laugh a lot? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 330
131318 What are the things that you are extremely proud of as a parent? Á¤*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 361
131317 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 1
131316 Are you happy to be living in the ¡®Information Age¡¯? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 0
131315 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 2
131314 today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 406
131313 What is the most environmentally friendly form of transportation? Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 0
131312 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 0
131311 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°The... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 0
131310 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 0
131309 Best time to visit my place ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 477
131308 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 528
131307 HOMEWORK-230926 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-26 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04