¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What\'s your thought on vending machines in elementary schools?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-08-20 695

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's good because when students thirsty they can buy a drink and water. students can drink it when they don't have water.
And Teachers can drink a coffee.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's another corrected essay for you, Yale. Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided. See you tomorrow! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                            

                                       What's your thought on vending machines in elementary schools?


I think it's good because when students thirsty they can buy a drink and water. 
>> I think it's good because students can buy a drink and water when they are thirsty. 

students can drink it when they don't have water.
>> Students can drink beverages from the vending machine when they don't have their own water. 

And Teachers can drink a coffee.
>> And teachers can drink coffee. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140551 Would you feel motivated or discouraged if you work hard and do... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-22 205
140550 Does the cover of a book make you want to read it, or do you not... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-10-22 219
140549 What might happen if you don¡¯t use any phones in a day, week,... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-22 207
140548 What appliance do you wish you had in your home that you don¡¯t... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-22 195
140547 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 192
140546 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 2
140545 The last time I was proud ÃÖ*Âù ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 211
140544 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 1
140543 How can we show everyone is equal? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 210
140542 21oct2024- homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 202
140541 What were some of the rules you had to follow at your high... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 5
140540 I don\'t want to see things on social media that you don\'t like. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 244
140539 I don\'t make much effort. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 193
140538 What strategies do you use to build your self-confidence? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 172
140537 How would the world change if you could instantly understand any... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 212
140536 What would change if money didn¡¯t exist but people still had to... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 199
140535 Can you think of a time when doing nothing was the best action? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 218
140534 Should kids have more of a say in decisions made by their... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 224
140533 What do you do to maintain or improve your mental health? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 216
140532 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 234

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04