¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-20 668

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Are you an ambitious person? What career goals do you have?

I used to have ambitions. I wanted to be a person who is good at studying and has a healthy body. So I studied hard and exercised hard. As a result, I got good grades and my body was very thin. But after working, I met a world different from that i immagine. and so there were many setbacks and difficulties. Society was sharper than I thought. I'm going to start my social life again now, but I'm afraid. Now I want to live safely
like other . this is my career goal to meet my fit job and endure it and do it well like others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's one more corrected composition, Mi Jin. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
Good evening to you there and speak to you again tomorrow!   

Cheers,
Jean~~



                          Are you an ambitious person? What career goals do you have?


I used to have ambitions. 
>> OR: I used to be ambitious. 

I wanted to be a person who is good at studying and has a healthy body. 
>> OR: I hoped to be well-educated and healthy. 

So I studied hard and exercised hard. 
>> OR: That's why I was a studious student and did exercises.  

As a result, I got good grades and my body was very thin. 
>> CORRECT~~

But after working, I met a world different from that i immagine. and so there were many setbacks and difficulties.
>> But after working, I met a world different from what I imagined and so I encountered many setbacks and difficulties.

Society was sharper than I thought. I'm going to start my social life again now, but I'm afraid. 
>> CORRECT~~

Now I want to live safely
like other . 
>> I now want to just live safely like others. 

this is my career goal to meet my fit job and endure it and do it well like others.
>> My career goal is to find a job that fits me, endure the difficulties, and do it well like others. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138165 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 596
138164 What is the importance of finding your passion? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 685
138163 Have you been successful in getting rid of a bad habit? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138162 Have you ever helped a neighbor? What happened? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 791
138161 The greatest sculptor ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 876
138160 How does jealousy affect people? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 774
138159 Do you agree with the saying \"You can\'t teach an old dog new... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 835
138158 2024.06.28 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138157 >> What are your thoughts on women going on a diet? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138156 Is it common to have friendships across generations? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 698
138155 What do you consider to be your good and bad qualities? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 679
138154 What country has the most interesting culture? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 797
138153 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in the... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1118
138152 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138151 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 784
138150 Q) What is your father¡¯s quality that you admire the most? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 2
138149 Do you believe that people are more honest with friends or with... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 721
138148 What¡¯s your favorite song? Why do you like it? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138147 Are there some things that you would like to change in the... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138146 2024.06.27 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1136

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04