¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In order to look good is the most important working out.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¸§
2024-08-16 202

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

To look good, which is more important? Eating well or working out?

I think to look good is more working out than eating well. It is helps blood circulations and improves skin elasticity also complextion.
Plus, It naturally relieves swelling and makes healthy body. It makes people be happy and to get way how can refresh thinking.
The changing gradually is easy to look good to the other people.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Areum!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      To look good, which is more important? Eating well or working out?


I think to look good is more working out than eating well. 
>> I think working out is more important if you want to look good. 

It is helps blood circulations and improves skin elasticity also completion.
>> It helps blood circulation and improves skin elasticity, as well as complexion. 

Plus, It naturally relieves swelling and makes healthy body. 
>> Plus, it naturally relieves swelling and makes the body healthy. 

It makes people be happy and to get way how can refresh thinking.
>> It makes people happy, feel refreshed, and can give them new ideas. 

The changing gradually is easy to look good to the other people.
>> Gradual changes are better and easier, and one can look good to others. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138229 What is the best thing about the month of July? Write at least... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 287
138228 2024.07.01 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 189
138227 What is your favorite sandwich? What kinds of bread from other... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 303
138226 Do you usually try free samples at grocery stores? Why or why... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 391
138225 Q) Can working out make people happy? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138224 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 11
138223 HOMEWORK FOR 07.02.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the most famous... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 3
138222 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 250
138221 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 343
138220 The thing that I regret ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12
138219 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 254
138218 Is mental health more important than physical health? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 251
138217 Do you think buffet restaurants are worth their price? Why or... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 313
138216 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 251
138215 How can weightlifting help with everyday activities and overall... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 263
138214 What are the consequences of doing homework in a dishonest way? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 233
138213 Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the... ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 289
138212 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 0
138211 Lifestyle ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 247
138210 \"Every cloud has a silver lining\" is a popular old saying.... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 195

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04