¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In order to look good is the most important working out.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¸§
2024-08-16 183

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

To look good, which is more important? Eating well or working out?

I think to look good is more working out than eating well. It is helps blood circulations and improves skin elasticity also complextion.
Plus, It naturally relieves swelling and makes healthy body. It makes people be happy and to get way how can refresh thinking.
The changing gradually is easy to look good to the other people.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Areum!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      To look good, which is more important? Eating well or working out?


I think to look good is more working out than eating well. 
>> I think working out is more important if you want to look good. 

It is helps blood circulations and improves skin elasticity also completion.
>> It helps blood circulation and improves skin elasticity, as well as complexion. 

Plus, It naturally relieves swelling and makes healthy body. 
>> Plus, it naturally relieves swelling and makes the body healthy. 

It makes people be happy and to get way how can refresh thinking.
>> It makes people happy, feel refreshed, and can give them new ideas. 

The changing gradually is easy to look good to the other people.
>> Gradual changes are better and easier, and one can look good to others. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138516 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1
138515 2024.07.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 164
138514 Alcohol ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 222
138513 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138512 What are the qualities or characteristics that every leader... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 0
138511 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 234
138510 What are you planning to accomplish this year ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 148
138509 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138508 How observant are you of other people\'s body language? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 190
138507 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 211
138506 2024.07.15 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 2
138505 Do you think playing Lego is educational? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 183
138504 Q) Why is nature important? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138503 Would you prefer language lessons one-to-one or do you like... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 190
138502 July 12th\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 182
138501 Homework ½Å*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 161
138500 difficult task/project at work ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 8
138499 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 167
138498 What matters to you the most, intelligence or physical... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 212
138497 My current job ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04