¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*¿ì
2024-08-16 644

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: What are the sacrifices that people with ambitions should make?
A: I think it's their health and their time.
Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals,

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Paul!

Thank you for doing your homework.

~T. Divina^^

Here are some corrections:

1. I think it's their health and their time.
>>CORRECT!

2. Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
>>Since they need to work more than the others, they couldn't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health could go worse.

3. Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals.
>>Also, they need to grind for a lot of time to achieve their goals.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136530 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2
136529 Name something you would like to improve about yourself and why. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 534
136528 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 531
136527 What is your favorite Korean dish? Can you describe how it\'s... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 805
136526 If you can be a celebrity or influencer, which one do you want... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 755
136525 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 794
136524 What¡¯s the best hobby anyone could have? ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 595
136523 2024.04.17 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 629
136522 HOMEWORK FOR 04.18.2024 WRITING TASK: What was the most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 3
136521 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 453
136520 If I leared playing basketball.. ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 767
136519 Do many young people in your country care about eating healthy? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 843
136518 Write 5 sentences that would describe your personality. ±æ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 13
136517 In what ways do you think technology has influenced family... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2
136516 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 718
136515 pitiful dogs ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 748
136514 What qualities do you think make someone a good firefighter, and... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 498
136513 Fraud ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 713
136512 17.Apr.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136511 What are some benefits of switching to electric cars compared to... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 716

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04