¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-14 477

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Write about your holiday.


¹°·ÐÀÌÁÒ. ¼ýÀÚ ¾øÀÌ ¹®ÀåÀ» ½±°Ô ³ª´²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ¹ø¿ªÇغ¼°Ô¿ä:

---

holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, soi look forward to these holidays. In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces
But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Mi Jin!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      Write about your holiday.


holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, so I look forward to these holidays. 
>> CORRECT~~

In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces.
>> In the past, I visited my grandparents, spent time with my family, and played with my nephew and nieces. 

But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
>> But now, instead of spending time with family, I take a rest at home and watch movies and dramas till late at night.

and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
>> My mother goes to her hometown so it is the only day I can watch until late at night.

i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.
>> OR: I believe family time is needed, that said, alone time is also essential. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134322 MBTI ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 8
134321 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 620
134320 Activities for school reunions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 401
134319 Why are the computers important? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 617
134318 Vacation ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134317 Is it better to grow up in the city or in the countryside? Why... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 394
134316 Letter ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 2
134315 Survey ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 2
134314 Letter ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 1
134313 Survey ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 2
134312 Homework ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 579
134311 homework 2024-01-30 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 1
134310 What song would you choose for a karaoke session, and what\'s... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134309 How do you feel about talking in front of people? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134308 Imagine you have to choose between two different time habits:... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134307 If you could rename yourself, what name would you pick and why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134306 What book or movie have you read or seen recently that you would... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 0
134305 good person ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 342
134304 Homework(01.29) ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 369
134303 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-30 669

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04