¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-14 682

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Write about your holiday.


¹°·ÐÀÌÁÒ. ¼ýÀÚ ¾øÀÌ ¹®ÀåÀ» ½±°Ô ³ª´²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ¹ø¿ªÇغ¼°Ô¿ä:

---

holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, soi look forward to these holidays. In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces
But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Mi Jin!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      Write about your holiday.


holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, so I look forward to these holidays. 
>> CORRECT~~

In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces.
>> In the past, I visited my grandparents, spent time with my family, and played with my nephew and nieces. 

But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
>> But now, instead of spending time with family, I take a rest at home and watch movies and dramas till late at night.

and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
>> My mother goes to her hometown so it is the only day I can watch until late at night.

i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.
>> OR: I believe family time is needed, that said, alone time is also essential. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136360 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 686
136359 homework 04.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 458
136358 What is the most famous restaurant in your country and what is... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 456
136357 My personality ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 822
136356 About my neighborhood ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 615
136355 In what ways does your family provide support during tough... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 2
136354 Do you enjoy outdoor activities like hiking or camping? Why or... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 619
136353 Can you describe a typical family dinner in your household? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 694
136352 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 640
136351 What do you think is the most dangerous insect? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 642
136350 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 651
136349 2024.04.11 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 735
136348 What do you think about eating disorders such as Anorexia and... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 2
136347 Do you think you\'re a naturally hard-working person? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 645
136346 Is there any holiday in other countries that you wish Korea were... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 603
136345 How important is your hairstyle to you, and why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 1262
136344 \"The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.\" ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 1098
136343 Once Aristotle said : \"To avoid criticism say nothing, do... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 967
136342 election ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 568
136341 What can you do better when you are alone? Write at least two... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 889

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04