¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-14 1306

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Write about your holiday.


¹°·ÐÀÌÁÒ. ¼ýÀÚ ¾øÀÌ ¹®ÀåÀ» ½±°Ô ³ª´²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ¹ø¿ªÇغ¼°Ô¿ä:

---

holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, soi look forward to these holidays. In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces
But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Mi Jin!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      Write about your holiday.


holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, so I look forward to these holidays. 
>> CORRECT~~

In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces.
>> In the past, I visited my grandparents, spent time with my family, and played with my nephew and nieces. 

But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
>> But now, instead of spending time with family, I take a rest at home and watch movies and dramas till late at night.

and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
>> My mother goes to her hometown so it is the only day I can watch until late at night.

i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.
>> OR: I believe family time is needed, that said, alone time is also essential. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138317 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-06 1504
138316 Which one is better maratang or fried chicken? Why? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-06 1032
138315 What is the most annoying or amazing thing about children? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 0
138314 Grandma Moses ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 958
138313 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1221
138312 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1259
138311 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1548
138310 Do you think electricity is the greatest invention ever? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1394
138309 2024.07.05 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1
138308 What musical instrument can you play? When did you start... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1320
138307 2024.07.04 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1463
138306 Who is your favorite singer, and why do you like her? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1762
138305 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1145
138304 Menus ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 971
138303 Why do friendships fall apart? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1723
138302 What\'s one activity you\'ve been looking forward to doing this... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1094
138301 What is a relaxing vacation for you and where would it be Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1862
138300 What do you think of people who always work out, and how does... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1217
138299 Can money buy happiness? ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 10
138298 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-05 1493

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04