¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-14 957

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Write about your holiday.


¹°·ÐÀÌÁÒ. ¼ýÀÚ ¾øÀÌ ¹®ÀåÀ» ½±°Ô ³ª´²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ¹ø¿ªÇغ¼°Ô¿ä:

---

holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, soi look forward to these holidays. In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces
But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Mi Jin!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      Write about your holiday.


holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, so I look forward to these holidays. 
>> CORRECT~~

In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces.
>> In the past, I visited my grandparents, spent time with my family, and played with my nephew and nieces. 

But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
>> But now, instead of spending time with family, I take a rest at home and watch movies and dramas till late at night.

and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
>> My mother goes to her hometown so it is the only day I can watch until late at night.

i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.
>> OR: I believe family time is needed, that said, alone time is also essential. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137905 The nutrients in dairy foods improve the body¡¯s ability to burn... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 685
137904 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 0
137903 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 0
137902 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 843
137901 Can you share a bad restaurant experience? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 697
137900 Have you ever seen a piece of art that affected you strongly?... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1006
137899 Do you like wearing white clothes? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 733
137898 What is traditional food in your country? Can you tell me about... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1162
137897 gorgeous ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1
137896 Positive giving up ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 723
137895 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 900
137894 What are the advantages and disadvantages of buying a new/used... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1021
137893 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1003
137892 17.Jun.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 1
137891 Do you think people feel different when they wear different... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 3
137890 What do you think will you be doing five years from now? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-18 658
137889 Describe your dream job. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-17 976
137888 What do you do when you go to a restaurant and you don\'t have... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-17 1003
137887 My favorite book of all time ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-17 10
137886 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04