¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-14 289

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Write about your holiday.


¹°·ÐÀÌÁÒ. ¼ýÀÚ ¾øÀÌ ¹®ÀåÀ» ½±°Ô ³ª´²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ¹ø¿ªÇغ¼°Ô¿ä:

---

holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, soi look forward to these holidays. In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces
But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Mi Jin!

Here's your corrected composition. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
I appreciate your adding the essay question. Good night!  

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                      Write about your holiday.


holidays are a big blessing for me because i get a break from work. Work is tough in Korea, so I look forward to these holidays. 
>> CORRECT~~

In the past,i was visited grandparents and spending time with family. and played with my nephew and nieces.
>> In the past, I visited my grandparents, spent time with my family, and played with my nephew and nieces. 

But now, instead of spending time with family, i take a rest at my home and watcing movies and dramas late at night.
>> But now, instead of spending time with family, I take a rest at home and watch movies and dramas till late at night.

and my mother go to her hometown so it is only day i can watch late at night.
>> My mother goes to her hometown so it is the only day I can watch until late at night.

i think Family time is important, but enjoying personal leisure time during short holidays is more valuable.
>> OR: I believe family time is needed, that said, alone time is also essential. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137300 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 0
137299 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137298 homework 05.20 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 139
137297 Can you live without internet? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 160
137296 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137295 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 0
137294 What do you think makes a successful cabin crew team? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 267
137293 Do you think it\'s a good idea to write your goals down and tick... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 184
137292 2024-05-17 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 171
137291 Which of your goals have you already achieved? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 0
137290 would you like to read more? What do you get out of reading? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 179
137289 2024.05.20 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 289
137288 How do you show you care for old people? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 322
137287 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 94
137286 Homework 9 ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 305
137285 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137284 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 2
137283 in the kitchen ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137282 What place in your country will you never recommend to be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 3
137281 HOMEWORK FOR 05.17.2024 WRITING TASK: Who do you always keep... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04