¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-08-06 162

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?". I think obesity is a disease. Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy. As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy. So, obesity is also one of diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. Thank you for reading.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Hana. Thank you for this valuable insight on a really relevant topic. As they say, health is wealth. Let us pay attention to our health always. Let us share more again next time. See you again!
--Teacher Anji


i'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?".
>> CORRECT

 I think obesity is a disease. 
Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
 >> I think obesity is a disease. Let me explain why I believe obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. 
Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
>> First, body fat associated with obesity can be a risk factor for various diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cardiac insufficiency. In fact, obesity is classified as a disease by the WHO for this reason.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
>> Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental illnesses are also considered diseases because they decrease a person's life expectancy. 

So, obesity is also one of diseases.
Therefore, obesity is also one of the diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons.
Thank you for reading.

>> In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. 

Thank you for reading.






¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138787 2024.07.26 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 1
138786 2024.07.25 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 216
138785 The most difficult vice to get rid of ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 5
138784 Which vice do you think would be the most difficult to get rid... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 190
138783 What¡¯s a new recreational activity you¡¯d like to try, and why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 183
138782 How do you get over not getting something that you desire? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 1
138781 Describe something you own which is very important to you ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 6
138780 depress ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 188
138779 What was your most memorable experience while traveling? ·ù*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 159
138778 Homwork ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 0
138777 Age gap beneficial and hindrance ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 131
138776 Do you ever get confused with new technology? Give an example. Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 164
138775 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138774 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138773 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 130
138772 How do you make sure that you don\'t get sick? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 148
138771 Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 175
138770 What things do you first notice about someone\'s appearance? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 163
138769 Do you ever get confused with new technology? Give an example. Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 142
138768 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 151

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04