¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-08-06 598

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?". I think obesity is a disease. Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy. As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy. So, obesity is also one of diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. Thank you for reading.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Hana. Thank you for this valuable insight on a really relevant topic. As they say, health is wealth. Let us pay attention to our health always. Let us share more again next time. See you again!
--Teacher Anji


i'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?".
>> CORRECT

 I think obesity is a disease. 
Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
 >> I think obesity is a disease. Let me explain why I believe obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. 
Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
>> First, body fat associated with obesity can be a risk factor for various diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cardiac insufficiency. In fact, obesity is classified as a disease by the WHO for this reason.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
>> Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental illnesses are also considered diseases because they decrease a person's life expectancy. 

So, obesity is also one of diseases.
Therefore, obesity is also one of the diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons.
Thank you for reading.

>> In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. 

Thank you for reading.






¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135595 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is helping our... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 0
135594 Homework do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 987
135593 lavish ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 1
135592 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 2
135591 Where do you usually buy your clothes? How often do you buy new... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 901
135590 My thought about single mother in Korea ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 1259
135589 What are your thoughts on ride-sharing services? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 0
135588 What egg dishes from other countries would you like to try? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 704
135587 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 803
135586 Fun Happen This Week ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 671
135585 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 819
135584 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 8
135583 My decision about job opportunity abroad ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 793
135582 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 676
135581 The best place to raise a family ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 696
135580 food ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 591
135579 HOMEWORK FOR 03.18.2024 WRITING TASK: If you could choose the... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 4
135578 When is the best time for you to spend time with your family and... ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 0
135577 Homework 3/18 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 7
135576 Why is English fluency siginificant for you? ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 1199

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04