¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-08-06 551

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?". I think obesity is a disease. Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy. As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy. So, obesity is also one of diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. Thank you for reading.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Hana. Thank you for this valuable insight on a really relevant topic. As they say, health is wealth. Let us pay attention to our health always. Let us share more again next time. See you again!
--Teacher Anji


i'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?".
>> CORRECT

 I think obesity is a disease. 
Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
 >> I think obesity is a disease. Let me explain why I believe obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. 
Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
>> First, body fat associated with obesity can be a risk factor for various diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cardiac insufficiency. In fact, obesity is classified as a disease by the WHO for this reason.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
>> Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental illnesses are also considered diseases because they decrease a person's life expectancy. 

So, obesity is also one of diseases.
Therefore, obesity is also one of the diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons.
Thank you for reading.

>> In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. 

Thank you for reading.






¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136444 Who do you think is the most beautiful person in your country? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136443 What was your dream last night? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 581
136442 What type of clothing do you wear when you are angry and you... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136441 With the winning of Lee Jae Myung\'s party, how do you think... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136440 What are some ways in which societal beauty standards impact... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 807
136439 Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling to a new... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136438 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 895
136437 Do you support death penalty? Why? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 960
136436 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2
136435 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 959
136434 Three perks of being an introvert. ÃÖ* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 488
136433 HOMEWORK FOR 04.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you want to do in... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 4
136432 2024.04.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 874
136431 apri 15\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 756
136430 ¼÷Á¦ Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 966
136429 What are some activities or hobbies you turn to when you\'re... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 749
136428 travel ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 652
136427 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1084
136426 15.Apr.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136425 What usually makes you happy? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04