¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-08-06 709

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?". I think obesity is a disease. Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy. As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy. So, obesity is also one of diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. Thank you for reading.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Hana. Thank you for this valuable insight on a really relevant topic. As they say, health is wealth. Let us pay attention to our health always. Let us share more again next time. See you again!
--Teacher Anji


i'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?".
>> CORRECT

 I think obesity is a disease. 
Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
 >> I think obesity is a disease. Let me explain why I believe obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. 
Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
>> First, body fat associated with obesity can be a risk factor for various diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cardiac insufficiency. In fact, obesity is classified as a disease by the WHO for this reason.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
>> Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental illnesses are also considered diseases because they decrease a person's life expectancy. 

So, obesity is also one of diseases.
Therefore, obesity is also one of the diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons.
Thank you for reading.

>> In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. 

Thank you for reading.






¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138165 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 587
138164 What is the importance of finding your passion? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 674
138163 Have you been successful in getting rid of a bad habit? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138162 Have you ever helped a neighbor? What happened? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 781
138161 The greatest sculptor ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 864
138160 How does jealousy affect people? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 764
138159 Do you agree with the saying \"You can\'t teach an old dog new... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 823
138158 2024.06.28 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138157 >> What are your thoughts on women going on a diet? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138156 Is it common to have friendships across generations? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 687
138155 What do you consider to be your good and bad qualities? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 670
138154 What country has the most interesting culture? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 788
138153 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in the... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1108
138152 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 0
138151 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 772
138150 Q) What is your father¡¯s quality that you admire the most? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 2
138149 Do you believe that people are more honest with friends or with... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 713
138148 What¡¯s your favorite song? Why do you like it? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138147 Are there some things that you would like to change in the... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1
138146 2024.06.27 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-28 1128

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04