¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-08-06 621

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?". I think obesity is a disease. Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy. As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy. So, obesity is also one of diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. Thank you for reading.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Hana. Thank you for this valuable insight on a really relevant topic. As they say, health is wealth. Let us pay attention to our health always. Let us share more again next time. See you again!
--Teacher Anji


i'm Hana, presenting my own opinion on "Is obesity a disease?".
>> CORRECT

 I think obesity is a disease. 
Let me talk about the reason why obesity is a disease.
 >> I think obesity is a disease. Let me explain why I believe obesity is a disease.
First, a body fat of obesity can be occurrence risk factors of various diseases such like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke or cardiac insufficiency. 
Actually, obesity is regulated in disease because of this reason by WHO.
>> First, body fat associated with obesity can be a risk factor for various diseases, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cardiac insufficiency. In fact, obesity is classified as a disease by the WHO for this reason.
Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
>> Second, obesity decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental disease is also illness because it decreases a person's life expectancy.
As you know, mental illnesses are also considered diseases because they decrease a person's life expectancy. 

So, obesity is also one of diseases.
Therefore, obesity is also one of the diseases.
In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons.
Thank you for reading.

>> In conclusion, I end my remarks by presenting my opinion, supported by reliable examples and reasons. 

Thank you for reading.






¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139037 Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 985
139036 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 2
139035 valued ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 2
139034 2024.08.07 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 639
139033 Do something not thinking ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 846
139032 My important personal time ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 5
139031 If you don\'t like a meal, do you complain to the waiter or not,... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 1081
139030 Describe your childhood home. ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 773
139029 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 684
139028 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 3
139027 Which is better, television or books? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 0
139026 Are home-cooked meals the best? What¡¯s the best thing to do... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 852
139025 How many people do you consider your \"best friends?\" ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 706
139024 Do you like salted, spicy, dry roasted or plain nuts? Do you... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 938
139023 homework day2 ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 1
139022 Rewarding yourself with treats ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 822
139021 8/5 homework ±è*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 5
139020 What are your expectations about London? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 1
139019 If you are not a teacher, what do you think your job is? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 1
139018 Q) How do you usually react when you lose? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-07 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04