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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-08-05 249

회원님의 영작문



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139877 Do you think you chose the right career path? Why or why not? 한*연 완료 2024-09-12 102
139876 Are there any hobbies that you think are not worthwhile? 최*정 완료 2024-09-12 4
139875 mine 민*정 완료 2024-09-12 1
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139873 HOMEWORK FOR 09.11.2024 WRITING TASK: How can you handle a... 임*지 완료 2024-09-12 1
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139871 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-12 1
139870 HOMEWORK FOR 09/11 Writing Task 이*주 완료 2024-09-12 4
139869 Homework 노*철 진행중 2024-09-12 122
139868 What’s something interesting or unique about drinking culture... 임*미 완료 2024-09-12 119
139867 Homework : How often do you clean your room? What do you usually... 이*범 완료 2024-09-12 121
139866 What chores are your responsibility? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-11 0
139865 Do you think you can teach someone to be successful? 김*연 완료 2024-09-11 111
139864 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-09-11 1
139863 home work 신*린 완료 2024-09-11 105
139862 I like the conversation with the new person. 이*빈 완료 2024-09-11 3
139861 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-11 2
139860 Describe a moment when you felt truly proud of yourself. What... 신*규 완료 2024-09-11 48
139859 Do you ever eat a midnight snack? What do you like to eat late... 오*민 완료 2024-09-11 121
139858 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-11 117

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