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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

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서비스 입니다.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-08-05 623

회원님의 영작문



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
131924 Homework 김*서 완료 2023-10-25 1
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131922 Find things that make me happy 권*일 완료 2023-10-25 1
131921 Write about your happiest memory in not less than 3 sentences. 임*호 완료 2023-10-25 0
131920 Do you think that your country has a strong military force and... 이*주 완료 2023-10-25 1
131919 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-10-25 526
131918 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about “Are you afraid... 앨* 완료 2023-10-25 1
131917 Homework 정*환 완료 2023-10-25 642
131916 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-10-25 833
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131914 How happy are you with your English level? How do you describe... 김*순 완료 2023-10-25 890
131913 Who are the world’s biggest war criminals? Write about one... 이*우 완료 2023-10-25 881
131912 WRITING TASK: Describe the last picnic you had. What was it like? 임*지 완료 2023-10-25 3
131911 homework_231024 한*록 완료 2023-10-25 968
131910 Homework - \'How to overcome difficult times.\' 이*주 완료 2023-10-25 802
131909 Do you want to work in a medical field someday? Why or why not? 이*태 완료 2023-10-25 1051
131908 Do you believe in lifelong learning? Why or why not? 이*태 완료 2023-10-25 1003
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교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

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문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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