¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2024-08-05 528

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133600 What are your goals for this year? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 169
133599 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 270
133598 What New Year\'s resolutions are you still keeping now? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 308
133597 Survey ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 2
133596 Letter ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 1
133595 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 2
133594 Do you recommend a Social Welfare program to all schools? Why? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 7
133593 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 297
133592 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 606
133591 Homework : unit 17 ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 1
133590 New Year performance ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 382
133589 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 515
133588 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 510
133587 The special greeting in Korea ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 294
133586 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 0
133585 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-01-03 2
133584 What are your New Year\'s Resolutions/ Or what are the things... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-02 297
133583 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-02 0
133582 Eating out ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-02 297
133581 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-02 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04