무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-08-05 1149

회원님의 영작문



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137625 Homework 정*환 완료 2024-06-05 965
137624 6/3 home work 장*휴 완료 2024-06-05 2
137623 Challenges next generation will face with 양*연 완료 2024-06-05 850
137622 “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” What do you think this... 박*호 완료 2024-06-05 1408
137621 4.Jun.2024 김*정 완료 2024-06-05 1
137620 31.May.2024 김*정 완료 2024-06-05 1
137619 What is one thing you have never done but would like to do? 황*은 완료 2024-06-05 1178
137618 simple but expensive 임*준 완료 2024-06-05 757
137617 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-06-04 3
137616 a bottle of SOJU 임*준 완료 2024-06-04 1554
137615 Famous Korean movie lines 이*규 완료 2024-06-04 1595
137614 What was the nicest place you saw abroad? Explain. 차*혁 완료 2024-06-04 1485
137613 What insect are you most afraid of? 최*성 완료 2024-06-04 820
137612 homework 06.04 최*� 완료 2024-06-04 884
137611 What do you think is the best pet in the world? Why? 차*진 완료 2024-06-04 1503
137610 2024.06.03 남*례 완료 2024-06-04 819
137609 Someone who commit crimes for some good cause should also be... 김*민 완료 2024-06-04 1166
137608 The Episode About My Jaywalking 김*민 완료 2024-06-04 2022
137607 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-06-04 918
137606 Are you afraid of going on scary amusement park rides? Do you... 박*은 완료 2024-06-04 1262

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]