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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-08-05 294

회원님의 영작문



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137483 Questions proposal 나*진 완료 2024-05-29 228
137482 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-05-29 279
137481 Home work for 05/27 장*휴 완료 2024-05-29 5
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137479 Do you always give your honest opinion when asked for it? 최*영 완료 2024-05-29 3
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137477 Some animals shed their fur or make other kinds of mess. How can... 박*호 완료 2024-05-29 165
137476 Describe a job you had before 오*소 완료 2024-05-29 0
137475 What sort of gifts do people buy for the bridal couple? 오*소 완료 2024-05-29 0
137474 What kind of clothes did the bride and groom wear? 오*소 완료 2024-05-29 0
137473 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-05-28 278
137472 homework 05.28 최*� 완료 2024-05-28 167
137471 What\'s the best birthday gift you\'ve ever received? Why do you... 차*혁 완료 2024-05-28 206
137470 HW 양*윤 완료 2024-05-28 211
137469 What are the things you\'re good at? Write at least two and... 차*진 완료 2024-05-28 133
137468 2024.05.28 숙제 양*율 완료 2024-05-28 273
137467 What comes to mind when you hear the word \"hospital\"? 오*혁 완료 2024-05-28 0
137466 What would you do if you were the richest person in the world?... 박*은 완료 2024-05-28 234
137465 When was the last time you went to a good restaurant? What did... 박*은 완료 2024-05-28 205
137464 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-05-28 98

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첨삭이 가능하며,

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