¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(2) investment in the art

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2024-08-02 160

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time. It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle. People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music. People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint. A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries. On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun. It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking. Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination. In this way, people could have much more lively life.

In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect. Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected. Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people¡¯s mental health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Thank you for explaining your examples well.
It makes it that much easier to understand.
The writing was really smooth today.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time. 
>> Correct
It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle. 
>> Correct
People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music. 
>> People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening to music. 
People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint. 
>> People also love to visit museums and galleries to broaden their viewpoints. 
A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries. 
>> A good movie or a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries.
On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun. 
>> Correct
It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking. 
>> It exposes us to new ideas, worlds, and ways of thinking. 
Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination. 
>> Correct
In this way, people could have much more lively life.
>> In this way, people could have much more lively lives.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect. 
>> In conclusion, there are many benefits of entertainment such as art, music, and theaters, not just from an economic aspect but also from a personal aspect.
Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected. 
>>  Arts and music always bring us much more than we expected.
Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people¡¯s mental health.
>> Hence, governments should invest more budget in this field to improve the economy and people¡¯s mental health.







¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138555 When do you feel happy the most? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 177
138554 HOMEWORK 07.17.2024 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138553 HOMEWORK FOR 07.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What are valid reasons for... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138552 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 170
138551 Homwork ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 247
138550 What was your first day at work like? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 5
138549 Have you ever had an interesting or memorable experience while... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 170
138548 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 3
138547 16.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138546 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 181
138545 2024.07.16 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 162
138544 sacrifice ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 225
138543 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138542 How do you convince yourself not to give up? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 152
138541 What is the most important sense for you among the five senses?... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 182
138540 What kind of TV programs do Korean kids watch these days?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 200
138539 Ice cream ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 160
138538 Has your boss ever told you to do something unethical? Did you... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 183
138537 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 187
138536 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 217

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04