¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(2) investment in the art

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2024-08-02 364

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time. It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle. People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music. People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint. A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries. On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun. It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking. Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination. In this way, people could have much more lively life.

In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect. Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected. Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people¡¯s mental health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Thank you for explaining your examples well.
It makes it that much easier to understand.
The writing was really smooth today.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time. 
>> Correct
It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle. 
>> Correct
People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music. 
>> People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening to music. 
People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint. 
>> People also love to visit museums and galleries to broaden their viewpoints. 
A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries. 
>> A good movie or a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries.
On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun. 
>> Correct
It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking. 
>> It exposes us to new ideas, worlds, and ways of thinking. 
Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination. 
>> Correct
In this way, people could have much more lively life.
>> In this way, people could have much more lively lives.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect. 
>> In conclusion, there are many benefits of entertainment such as art, music, and theaters, not just from an economic aspect but also from a personal aspect.
Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected. 
>>  Arts and music always bring us much more than we expected.
Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people¡¯s mental health.
>> Hence, governments should invest more budget in this field to improve the economy and people¡¯s mental health.







¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135935 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 444
135934 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 370
135933 How have cars improved our lives or have caused more problems... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135932 How do you take care of your body? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 228
135931 What is Parents¡¯ Day? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 344
135930 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 304
135929 homework 03.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 295
135928 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 425
135927 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 254
135926 Do you want to visit Australia or New Zealand someday? Why or... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 287
135925 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135924 2023.03.27 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135923 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 425
135922 What do you think about making mistakes when learning English?... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 415
135921 Someone who is up to his neck in debt ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 271
135920 religion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135919 HOMEWORK ±è*Á¦ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 252
135918 Do people actually know the meaning behind holiday these days? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 435
135917 . Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 220
135916 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Have you ever... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04