¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The best music festival that I have ever witnessed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-08-01 162

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was the most memorable.
I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years that I witnessed this festival.
I hope that I witness Busan International Rock Festival again after I get a job.

And it got cold suddenly at that time, but I didn't predict change of weather.
I only brought short sleeves, so I had to buy new clothes like sweater.

Also it was a first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!
But this moment was left by a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.

Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching a stage of FTISLAND, who were famous band in Korea.
They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs that they were showed by "idol"
But they have tried to change their music style about 10 years. And they finally proved their music on that stage.

Thus, 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

What a musical experience of a lifetime! Some of my students attended this music festival as well with different stories to tell. I guess you had your eye on FTISLAND as it is your kind of jam and vibe. Indeed, you are a rocker!

The downpour of rain was a game changer. Sometimes, simply going with the flow of nature and music is spontaneous and truly inspiring. Moreover, the quality of production and the wide variety of music genre in your country just keeps getting better. 

Your story about this music fest was so interesting with the way you arranged your sentences, grouped your ideas, and your overall transition. I enjoyed reading your experience as a result.

Thank you for sharing your fond memories last year, it is one for the books!

Kindly note down the grammar suggestions I underscored in some of your sentences. This is an excellent piece.

See you!

-T. Donna~

The 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was the most memorable.
>> Correct!

I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years that I witnessed this festival.
>> Correct!
Or: I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years to I witness this festival.

I hope that I witness Busan International Rock Festival again after I get a job.
>> Correct!

And it got cold suddenly at that time, but I didn't predict change of weather.
>> It got cold suddenly that time and I didn't expect the change of weather.

I only brought short sleeves, so I had to buy new clothes like sweater.
>> Correct!

Also it was a first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!
>> Also it was the first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!

But this moment was left by a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.
>> But this moment left a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.

Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching a stage of FTISLAND, who were famous band in Korea.
>> Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching the stage of FTISLAND, who is a famous band in Korea.

They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs that they were showed by "idol"
>> They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs as they were showed by "idol"

But they have tried to change their music style about 10 years. And they finally proved their music on that stage.
>> But, they have tried to change their music style about 10 years and they finally proved their music on that stage.

Thus, 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
>>  Thus, the 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139230 16.Aug.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1
139229 2024.08.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 192
139228 If you could have the perfect birthday party, what would it be? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 163
139227 What do you think of the sound and smell of rain? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 194
139226 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 199
139225 Agust 14th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 174
139224 8/16(Fri) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 201
139223 Have you ever worked in a place where you felt unhappy or... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 199
139222 How to stop bullying in school. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 6
139221 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139220 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139219 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139218 What type of content would you suggest we produce to keep... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 190
139217 Holidays ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 217
139216 HOMEWORK FOR 08.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the best place to... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2
139215 How would you describe your previous job as a real estate agent? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 171
139214 Page43 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2
139213 Homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 7
139212 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-15 2
139211 What is the National Liberation Day of Korea about? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-15 183

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04