¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The positive side of teen\'s curfew

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Õ*Èñ
2024-07-30 859

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'm Hana presenting the positive side of teen's curfew. If you are teen, do you have a curfew? If you have, are you satisfied with it? I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also loathe. However, I think the curfew should exist because of lots of reasons.
First, curfew can protect teens from several crimes. Do you know the terrible crime incident in Korea which is called "Senseless Crime"? it is serious problem in Korea. Teens are exposed at this easily. So, if curfew applies for teens, the victim of crime incident will decrease.
Second, teens should learn discipline that they should obey in society. In society over the world, the discipline is natural for member of society. And I think the curfew is first step of discipline. If teens have a curfew, they will know why they should obey the rules and become easy to protect various rules in the world.
As you know, teens are very important members to maintain this society. So, we should protect them by using curfew.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hana! Thank you for this well-thought out response to the question. The world has become so dangerous that stricter rules become necessary to protect not only the youth, but humanity in general. Let us contribute to a safer society by doing our part of obeying rules. Let's talk again soon. See you!
--Teacher Anji


I'm Hana presenting the positive side of teen's curfew.
>> CORRECT
 If you are teen, do you have a curfew? 
>> CORRECT
If you have, are you satisfied with it?
>> CORRECT
 I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also loathe. 
>>  I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also among adults.
However, I think the curfew should exist because of lots of reasons.
>> CORRECT
OR >> However, I think curfew should exist for various reasons. 
First, curfew can protect teens from several crimes. 
>> CORRECT
Do you know the terrible crime incident in Korea which is called "Senseless Crime"? 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Do you know the terrible crime in Korea called the 'Senseless Crimes"?
it is serious problem in Korea. 
>> It is a serious problem in Korea. 
Teens are exposed at this easily.
>> CORRECT
OR >> Teens are vulnerable to this. 
So, if curfew applies for teens, the victim of crime incident will decrease.
>> So, if curfew is applied to teens, the victims of crime incidents will decrease.
Second, teens should learn discipline that they should obey in society. 
>> Second, teen should learn discipline and obey the rules in the society.
In society over the world, the discipline is natural for member of society. 
>> In societies all over the world. discipline among members is natural.
And I think the curfew is first step of discipline. 
>> And I think curfew is the first step of discipline. 
If teens have a curfew, they will know why they should obey the rules and become easy to protect various rules in the world.
>> If teens have curfews, they will know why they should obey the rules, hence, making it  easy to protect the various rules in the world.
As you know, teens are very important members to maintain this society. 
>> CORRECT
So, we should protect them by using curfew.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138903 The best music festival that I have ever witnessed ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 754
138902 Hi ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 1
138901 What challenges do you face when planning a family gathering,... ±è*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 2
138900 The recent body language I used. ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 787
138899 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 571
138898 wanna be rich ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 656
138897 The right to the baby ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 682
138896 Beautiful lylics ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 5
138895 Have you ever had a dream that seemed impossible? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 747
138894 an extreme job that creates extrem stress ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 3
138893 What do you usually do in the winter? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 1
138892 flower snake ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 2
138891 How has the concept of \"hoesik\" evolved over time in Korean... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 807
138890 31.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 3
138889 Yes ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 740
138888 What are some popular Asian dishes you have tried? Can you... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 841
138887 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 638
138886 What vegetables are common in your country? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 2
138885 2024.07.31 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-01 756
138884 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04