¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-29 336

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What are your thoughts on the Korean tradition in which the wives of the first sons have to take charge of preparations for family rituals, such as ancestral worship on Chuseok?



it's unfailr women have to prepare alone.
Honestly, I think it's unfair. There's so much to do on the holidays.That's why women get sensitive coming on holidays.
When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days ago.
plus we set up a table and hold a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.
That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. i want men have to help us a little .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Mi Jin!

I'm sending your corrected essay homework. I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

Also, thank you for using the correct title for your homework. Speak to you tomorrow! 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                 What are your thoughts on the Korean tradition in which the wives of the first sons have to take charge of preparations for family rituals, such as ancestral worship on Chuseok?



it's unfailr women have to prepare alone.
>> It's unfair to women because they have to prepare everything by themselves. 

Honestly, I think it's unfair. 
>> CORRECT~~

There's so much to do on the holidays.
>> There's so much to do on holidays, such as Chuseok in particular. 

That's why women get sensitive coming on holidays.
>> That's why women become sensitive when holidays are approaching. 

When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days ago.
>> When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days early.

plus we set up a table and hold a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.
>> Plus, we set up a table and arrange a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.

That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. i want men have to help us a little .
>> OR: That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. Hence, I hope men can give women a hand on these occasions. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137807 The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 286
137806 Do you think skin color affects whether a person is regarded as... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 254
137805 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 230
137804 Performance assessment ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 239
137803 What did you like about school when you were a child? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137802 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 270
137801 What is your kind of success? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 279
137800 bad practice ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 233
137799 >> Are you a competitive person? Explain. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1
137798 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2
137797 What celebrations do you really look forward to? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 293
137796 homework 06.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 187
137795 2024.06.12 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 0
137794 How have your customs and traditions changed from when you were... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 247
137793 The English vowel sounds ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 175
137792 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 199
137791 2024.06.11 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 135
137790 q ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 209
137789 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 3
137788 Do you set goals to improve yourself? What are they? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 196

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04