¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity (living a long t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2024-07-29 1289

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Longevity is influenced by a blend of genetic, lifestyle, and environmental factors. Firstly, genetics plays a significant role in determining lifespan. It also contribute to the incidence rate of diseases. Secondly, consuming a balanced diet can help prevent chronic disease such as heard disease, diabetes, and cancer. It is important to avoid smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and other harmful behaviors as well. Moreover, stress management is key element which contribute to the longevity. Chronic stress can negatively impact health by increasing the risk of various diseases. Effective stress management techniques, such as meditation, mindfulness and hobbies can improve overall well-being. Lastly, A positive attitude and sense of purpose are associated with better health outcomes and longevity. Optimism and having meaningful goals can improve resilience and overall life satisfaction.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Mr. Hwang! It's impressive how well you express yourself in writing too. You write in a clear and concise manner. At the same time, you're always willing to learn and better yourself, which is a great characteristic to have.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Longevity is influenced by a blend of genetic, lifestyle, and environmental factors. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Firstly, genetics play a significant role in determining lifespan.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It also contributes to the incidence rate of diseases.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Secondly, consuming a balanced diet can help prevent chronic disease such as heard disease, diabetes, and cancer. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It is important to avoid smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and other harmful behaviors as well. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Moreover, stress management is the key element which contributes to the longevity. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Chronic stress can negatively impact our health by increasing the risk of various diseases. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Effective stress management techniques, such as meditation, mindfulness and hobbies can improve overall well-being.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Lastly, a positive attitude and sense of purpose are associated with better health outcomes and longevity.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Optimism and having meaningful goals can improve resilience and overall life satisfaction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138943 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 3
138942 Why do you think it is so difficult for people to give up and... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 0
138941 Has food ever made you sick? What happened? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 0
138940 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 0
138939 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 5
138938 8/5 essay ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-04 1468
138937 [HW] What is the most challenging part of learning English for... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-03 1766
138936 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-03 0
138935 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-03 0
138934 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-03 0
138933 Yes ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-03 1825
138932 Have you ever had a dream that seemed impossible? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1417
138931 What is the longest book you have ever read? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1978
138930 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 0
138929 Homework 8/2 ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1
138928 The way I use body language when I use English ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1275
138927 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 0
138926 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 0
138925 what do you enjoy the most about being a housewife? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1648
138924 Are home-cooked meals the best? What¡¯s the best thing to do... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-02 1979

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04