¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why music is a cultural activity

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-07-29 801

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music? 

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.
>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!
>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139502 Who do you think is the best author in Korea or the world? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 880
139501 Do your ever give up waiting for people who are late? How long... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 860
139500 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 4
139499 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 0
139498 My hobby is to play basketball ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 895
139497 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 887
139496 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 1
139495 People on a diet ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 1160
139494 What did you do at a cafe? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 4
139493 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 899
139492 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 0
139491 Home sick ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 4
139490 8/27(Tue) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 602
139489 Write about the importance of setting goals. How do personal... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 644
139488 What do you need today? Why? ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 4
139487 ask ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 0
139486 What should you do to be more confident on your next examination? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 1
139485 What did you enjoy doing in your free time when you were a kid? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 2
139484 In what situations do you think it¡¯s beneficial to be reserved? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 987
139483 The most frightening disease ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 1113

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04