¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why music is a cultural activity

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-07-29 148

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music? 

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.
>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!
>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138767 What do you think of your sleeping habits? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 181
138766 Describe a moment when you had an argument or disagreement with... ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 183
138765 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138764 What does John want to say? Explain what John wants to say by... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 0
138763 How the government support homeless ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 0
138762 The negative side of \" Are video games good for you? \" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 147
138761 Do you ever get confused with new technology? Give an example. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 167
138760 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 218
138759 homework: back in my studentdays how to play ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138758 Q) How old should a person be before they have children? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138757 Breastfeeding or Bottle-feeding ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 147
138756 What courses or subjects are helpful for the future? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 3
138755 HOMEWORK FOR 07.25.2024 WRITING TASK: What should you ask when... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 3
138754 2024.07.24 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 185
138753 24/7 ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138752 Do you ever get angry with yourself? Why? Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 142
138751 Homwork ÀÌ*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 0
138750 What mysteries or unanswered questions about the Great Pyramid... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 184
138749 Do you do housework at home? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 1
138748 Georgia ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-25 172

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04