¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why music is a cultural activity

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-07-29 286

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music? 

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.
>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!
>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137367 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-23 205
137366 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 1
137365 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 0
137364 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 0
137363 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 1
137362 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 238
137361 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 0
137360 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 0
137359 What is your biggest dream or goal in life? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 261
137358 How do you handle situations where challenges lead to... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 266
137357 Foreign language ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 322
137356 School homework (no meter on context But Grammar is important) Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 2
137355 When do you feel most energized? What do you like to do with... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 217
137354 Have you noticed any changes in your communication habits since... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 313
137353 How do show your respect for other people? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 215
137352 2024.05.22 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 1
137351 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 165
137350 arranged marriage ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 172
137349 in Bundang ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 1
137348 homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-05-22 351

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04