¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why music is a cultural activity

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-07-29 239

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music? 

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.
>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!
>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139803 Hw Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 130
139802 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 0
139801 What was the last thing you did that made you feel so much... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 129
139800 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 1
139799 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 2
139798 Don\'t ask to her/his body size! ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 4
139797 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 127
139796 What healthy habits do you have? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 129
139795 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 123
139794 What activities do you usually do when you meet friends? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 70
139793 What is your favorite room in your house? Why? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 135
139792 9/9(Mon) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 136
139791 Whose personality do you like best out of all the people in the... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 51
139790 Q) Do you think that it is more valuable to read a book than to... ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 4
139789 Short-term and long-term goals ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 130
139788 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 131
139787 overnight ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 2
139786 thankful ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 1
139785 Do you think it is more important to make a lot of money or to... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 129
139784 Let\'s We think about The Important of music. °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-09 131

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04