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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

The negative side of \" Are video games good for you? \"

작성자: 손*희
2024-07-25 365

회원님의 영작문

Do you play video games? If you play, How often do you play the game? We can fall out game addiction if we play video games too much. Then, How parents can stop their children's game addiction? Today, I'll talk about this subject.
First, parents can install an app, "Family Link". If parents install it, they can share not only check usage time of their children's phone but also their location. I recommend that use this application in consultation with their children.
But more important thing that parents should do before they performance my first opinion is mediation with children. Children don't want to lose their right to play video games freely. So, parents should have mediation with their children first. For example, if children want to play video games 1 hours, parents can suggest them; if they play video games honestly, parents give them some snacks.
By using this ways, parents can stop their children's game addiction. Thank you for watching.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

HI, Hannah! Great job today! I like your opinion on this matter. Keep up the great work. Let's discuss more in the class. 
-Teacher Anji


Do you play video games? If you play, How often do you play the game? 
>> Do you play video games? If you do, how often do you play games? 
We can fall out game addiction if we play video games too much. 
>> We can fall into game addiction if we play video games too much. 
Then, How parents can stop their children's game addiction? 
>> How can parents stop their children's game addiction? 
Today, I'll talk about this subject.
>> CORRECT
First, parents can install an app, "Family Link". 
>> CORRECT
If parents install it, they can share not only check usage time of their children's phone but also their location. 
>> If parents install it, they can not only check their children's phone usage time  but also their location.
I recommend that use this application in consultation with their children.
>> I recommend that they give consultation to their children to use this application.
But more important thing that parents should do before they performance my first opinion is mediation with children. 
>> But the more important thing that parents should do before they perform, in my first opinion, is mediation with their children. 
Children don't want to lose their right to play video games freely. 
>> Children don't want to lose their right to play video games freely. 
So, parents should have mediation with their children first. 
>> So, parents should have mediation with their children first. 
For example, if children want to play video games 1 hours, parents can suggest them; if they play video games honestly, parents give them some snacks.
>> For example, if the children want to play video games for an hour, parents can suggest them; if they play video games honestly, parents can give them some snacks.
By using this ways, parents can stop their children's game addiction. Thank you for watching.
>> In this way, parents can stop their children's game addiction. Thank you for watching.
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HOW TO USE IT?

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주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
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04

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