¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-24 1431

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
But it's not cold either.And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



I'm sending you another corrected essay, Mi Jin!  I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

By the way, do you mind adding the homework essay question under the Title section? Many thanks. Good night!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                  Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it like there?


In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
>> OR: Personally, I think Changwon has the best weather. 

It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
>> It's located in the southern part of the country that's why there's a lot of warm wind. 

But it's not cold either. 
>> CORRECT~~

And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
>> And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous, which is why it's not too hot compared to Daegu.

It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
>> The weather is rarely bad because there are many walking trails with trees.

I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.
>> I moved a lot because of my dad's job, but there's no better place to live than Changwon.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132844 Homework ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2
132843 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 0
132842 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is it important... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 0
132841 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 0
132840 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2846
132839 Do parents treat all their kids the same way, or do they treat... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2788
132838 What I need right now. ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 0
132837 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2991
132836 When I went to the cinema the first time ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2547
132835 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 0
132834 To be healthy ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 1918
132833 What is the most beautiful place in Australia you have ever... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 1764
132832 Regrets for leaving current building ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2249
132831 Do politicians and the rich and famous have more rights than we... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 1
132830 Can you tell me the methods for keeping food materials? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 3178
132829 thank you ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2
132828 Homework 2 ±Ç*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 2662
132827 Can you tell me the concept of tourism? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 1818
132826 I\'d appreciate it if you could correct it quickly. ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 6
132825 I\'d appreciate it if you could correct it quickly. ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-29 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04