¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-24 434

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
But it's not cold either.And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



I'm sending you another corrected essay, Mi Jin!  I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

By the way, do you mind adding the homework essay question under the Title section? Many thanks. Good night!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                  Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it like there?


In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
>> OR: Personally, I think Changwon has the best weather. 

It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
>> It's located in the southern part of the country that's why there's a lot of warm wind. 

But it's not cold either. 
>> CORRECT~~

And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
>> And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous, which is why it's not too hot compared to Daegu.

It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
>> The weather is rarely bad because there are many walking trails with trees.

I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.
>> I moved a lot because of my dad's job, but there's no better place to live than Changwon.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135682 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 419
135681 Describe a friend who has played an important part in your life ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 1
135680 booking fail ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 302
135679 What tips would you give someone who is traveling for the first... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 452
135678 Homework 3/20 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 1
135677 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 263
135676 If I could go back in my late thirties or early forties ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 245
135675 country that I want to visit and why ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 318
135674 How can a greeting suggest your relationship with other people? ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 3
135673 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 334
135672 question and homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 382
135671 homework 03.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 258
135670 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 469
135669 What is your fashion sense? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 1
135668 Who is the tallest in the world? Write something about that... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 457
135667 Imagine you could create your perfect Monday. What would it look... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 427
135666 Where are you going on a trip next time? Why do you want to go... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 267
135665 How does education help make things fair for everyone, including... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 565
135664 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 484
135663 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04