¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-24 709

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
But it's not cold either.And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



I'm sending you another corrected essay, Mi Jin!  I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

By the way, do you mind adding the homework essay question under the Title section? Many thanks. Good night!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                  Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it like there?


In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
>> OR: Personally, I think Changwon has the best weather. 

It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
>> It's located in the southern part of the country that's why there's a lot of warm wind. 

But it's not cold either. 
>> CORRECT~~

And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
>> And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous, which is why it's not too hot compared to Daegu.

It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
>> The weather is rarely bad because there are many walking trails with trees.

I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.
>> I moved a lot because of my dad's job, but there's no better place to live than Changwon.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138204 What are your thoughts on piracy, such as downloading movies or... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 808
138203 In what ways are dogs helpful to humans? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 744
138202 How do you celebrate small successes or milestones as you... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 620
138201 Do you think the government should always check the prices and... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 955
138200 June 28th homehork ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 671
138199 What is the best place for a vacation in your country? Why is it... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 2
138198 Q) What do you think of people who always work out? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 4
138197 One thing that I want to change about our culture ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 7
138196 Do you agree with the saying \'The customer is always right\'?... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 745
138195 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 0
138194 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in the... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 684
138193 Are all-you-can-eat restaurants better than buffet restaurants?... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 565
138192 6/28 Homework ±Ç*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 1
138191 What is a delectable food you\'ve tasted that you cannot forget? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 697
138190 What is the most difficult circumstance you have had to... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 0
138189 How do white lies impact trust and relationships, and where... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 664
138188 HOMEWORK FOR 06.26.2024 WRITING TASK: What device or appliance... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 2
138187 HOMEWORK FOR 06.27.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the most famous... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 2
138186 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 662
138185 HOMEWORK FOR 06.28.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the do\'s and... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04