¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your favorite hobby?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-07-23 203

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have a lot of habby. I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve. Also I like traveling. Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour. This class very exciting. Some times go swimming pool. Last month i went to trip to foreign country. I have the plan travel three or four times a year. Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

 Hi Eva,

Great job on your homework! It sounds like you have many fun hobbies. Exercise, dancing, swimming, and traveling are all wonderful ways to stay active and enjoy life. Your power aerobics class sounds exciting, and traveling three or four times a year must be very interesting. It must be wonderful to have the freedom to explore and do what you love after retirement. And although you do write well, here are a few tips for you to improve. First, check spelling and grammar to ensure words are spelled correctly and proper grammar is used. For example, "hobby" instead of "habby," and "already" instead of "aleady." Use complete sentences with a subject and a verb, like "Every day I go to the fitness center and take a power aerobics class for one hour." Stay consistent with tenses, such as "Last month, I went on a trip to a foreign country" instead of "Last month I went to trip to foreign country." Finally, organize your thoughts by grouping similar ideas together, such as discussing your exercise hobbies in one part and your travel experiences in another.

Keep enjoying your hobbies and exploring new activities!

 

I have a lot of habby.

>>I have a lot of hobbies.

I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve.

>>I like to exercise, dance, swim and watch YouTube.

Also I like traveling.

>>Also, I like traveling.

Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour.

>>Every day, I go to the fitness center to take a power aerobics class for one hour.

This class very exciting.

>>This class is very exciting.

Some times go swimming pool.

>>Sometimes I go to the swimming pool.

Last month i went to trip to foreign country.

>>I went to a foreign country last month.

I have the plan travel three or four times a year.

>>I plan to travel three or four times a year.

Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

>>Because I am already retired so I am free. Hahaha

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138515 2024.07.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 156
138514 Alcohol ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 213
138513 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138512 What are the qualities or characteristics that every leader... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 0
138511 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 225
138510 What are you planning to accomplish this year ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 141
138509 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138508 How observant are you of other people\'s body language? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 184
138507 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 205
138506 2024.07.15 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 2
138505 Do you think playing Lego is educational? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 177
138504 Q) Why is nature important? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138503 Would you prefer language lessons one-to-one or do you like... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 182
138502 July 12th\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 175
138501 Homework ½Å*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 154
138500 difficult task/project at work ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 8
138499 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 160
138498 What matters to you the most, intelligence or physical... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 204
138497 My current job ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 6
138496 Page.21 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 7

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04