¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your favorite hobby?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-07-23 270

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have a lot of habby. I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve. Also I like traveling. Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour. This class very exciting. Some times go swimming pool. Last month i went to trip to foreign country. I have the plan travel three or four times a year. Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

 Hi Eva,

Great job on your homework! It sounds like you have many fun hobbies. Exercise, dancing, swimming, and traveling are all wonderful ways to stay active and enjoy life. Your power aerobics class sounds exciting, and traveling three or four times a year must be very interesting. It must be wonderful to have the freedom to explore and do what you love after retirement. And although you do write well, here are a few tips for you to improve. First, check spelling and grammar to ensure words are spelled correctly and proper grammar is used. For example, "hobby" instead of "habby," and "already" instead of "aleady." Use complete sentences with a subject and a verb, like "Every day I go to the fitness center and take a power aerobics class for one hour." Stay consistent with tenses, such as "Last month, I went on a trip to a foreign country" instead of "Last month I went to trip to foreign country." Finally, organize your thoughts by grouping similar ideas together, such as discussing your exercise hobbies in one part and your travel experiences in another.

Keep enjoying your hobbies and exploring new activities!

 

I have a lot of habby.

>>I have a lot of hobbies.

I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve.

>>I like to exercise, dance, swim and watch YouTube.

Also I like traveling.

>>Also, I like traveling.

Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour.

>>Every day, I go to the fitness center to take a power aerobics class for one hour.

This class very exciting.

>>This class is very exciting.

Some times go swimming pool.

>>Sometimes I go to the swimming pool.

Last month i went to trip to foreign country.

>>I went to a foreign country last month.

I have the plan travel three or four times a year.

>>I plan to travel three or four times a year.

Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

>>Because I am already retired so I am free. Hahaha

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139543 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 0
139542 Sunny ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 170
139541 Book ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 172
139540 My hobby Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 161
139539 Delicious Korean food. ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 153
139538 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 165
139537 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 1
139536 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 0
139535 Q) Would you ever want to work as a restaurant critic? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 1
139534 Describe an old friend that you got in touch with again. How did... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 164
139533 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 0
139532 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 0
139531 8/26 homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 178
139530 longevity ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 2
139529 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 166
139528 Why air arabia? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 4
139527 homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 3
139526 HOMEWORK FOR 08.28.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you hope for today? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 3
139525 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 160
139524 What were mornings like in your house when you were a kid? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 171

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04