¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-07-19 232

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In modern age, The human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology. Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expected that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude. And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essences are never changed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you Se Hun~!^^ The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In modern age, the human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expect that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
>>> And also they never expect TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude.
>>> For example, hundreds years ago, when the class was finished studying an entire book, students gave foods and alcohol to their teacher for their effort and gratitude.
And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essence has never changed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138058 The most common crime in Korea ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 5
138057 2024.06.24 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 246
138056 Poor person\'s being successful ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 264
138055 In what ways does cultural background influence one\'s... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 294
138054 What are the harmful and the beneficial effects of advertising? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 195
138053 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 224
138052 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-25 3
138051 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 191
138050 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 0
138049 How do you encourage others to follow good habits or practices? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 215
138048 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 1
138047 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 0
138046 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 0
138045 How important is beauty in your daily life? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 182
138044 2024.06.24 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2
138043 How do you encourage others to follow good habits or practices? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 178
138042 What have you learned from past failures? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 223
138041 2024.06.21 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 176
138040 Do you think buffet restaurants are worth their price? Why or... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 152
138039 Have you ever helped a neighbor? What happened? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 175

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04